If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
