Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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