Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
