McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
