I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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