Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
