i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I died a long time ago.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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