Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
