I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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