Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
