I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
