Betty ford says i'm here all night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
