You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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