that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
