are you so shy because you have an std?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
