she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
