He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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