[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
how drunk are you?
Several
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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