i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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