why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
