I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
