go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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