the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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