i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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