So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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