To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
