Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
