just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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