He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
