Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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