You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
