Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
