She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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