were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
