take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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