but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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