Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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