I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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