the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
