Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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