I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
