Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before