At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
seriously i just wanna be friends
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.