I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My hand turned me down
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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