Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
