I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
