I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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