guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
