your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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