I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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