I feel like I'm in dance class right now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
