Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
