He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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