Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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