i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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