you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
