i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
