Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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