I wanna bring you to show and tell
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
