You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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