I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
