i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
