The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
