its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
