Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
