In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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