why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
