I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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