they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
