i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
