she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
